How to Cope with Sudden Illness or Disability by Martina Roe: Part 1 of 6

Illness and disability might come in many forms. Some illnesses and disabilities have to be faced from birth; others are developed during people’s lifetime.

They can come on suddenly or gradually develop over many years without the person knowing about it. People are usually genetically predisposed but illnesses can also be the result of the polluted environment or the lifestyle we adopt. Coming to terms with any illness is not easy and might take a long time especially when your illness surprises you all of a sudden.

Imagine that you are happy, you life is going very well and you are very proud of all your achievements.

You have got a great family and circle of friends until one day something very unfortunate happens to you. You become ill or have an accident and you can no longer enjoy life as you used to. Suddenly everything seems to be falling apart. All kinds of scenarios may come up; you might no longer be in a position to support your family financially, you could lose your job, simply your dreams are falling apart.

This is the hardest time and naturally you will be down about it, yet with a few changes you might still be able to live your life to the full. The following easy steps should help you in the right direction.

1. Allow yourself time to come to terms with your illness

I understand fully how you feel. The whole world is upside down and you are in the middle of it believing life will never be the same again with you just being miserable fighting your illness or disability. You might lose your friends because you will no longer be able to socialize as you used to. But this is also the time to find out who your real friends are.

They will be there to support you and do anything that is in their strength. They will, however, not feel sorry for you forever and you will have to find out soon that if the only topic of conversation is your illness, with time even your kind hearted friends will lose interest. It is also important for you to judge, whether your friends are honest with you.

Even though it might not be obvious to you some of your friends could be taking advantage of you and drain you emotionally. My sister, before her marriage broke up, used to look for emotional support from her friends. Someone, who she really trusted and thought highly of, actually used to say to her things which were making her feel even more depressed and she did not realise it at that time. Once I went to see her friend too and she told me nasty things about my father that were not true, with a view to manipulate one of his decisions about my future education. I was on top of things so I just ignored it and did not think highly of my sister’s friend but she could not do it herself at that time. Later she realised how much her friend was harming her and stopped visiting her.

Thinking positively is no easy matter but it is important to be enthusiastic about life again. There are only two choices for you to make. You can stay depressed and complain about your problems till the rest of your life or you have the option of trying to make most of your life even with all your limitations. We all know that cancer patients who remain positive live longer than those who become very depressed. The same applies to any chronic illness or disability. My sister’s first husband lost his leg in an accident. He eventually drank himself to death. If he had taken a more positive approach and enjoyed the little things that remained to him, he could have still been here with us enjoying all the achievements of his daughter who is now in her twenties.

Allow yourself time to let all the negative emotions to go first, which might take time. It is good to know that there are people who you can talk to and counselling might be especially appropriate at this time. I found the help of a counsellor especially helpful at the stage of my life when I myself became ill and could no longer achieve my own goals. I was always very ambitious and performed very well at school. Everyone thought highly of me and believed I would do very well in my life. I remember people did not approve when I chose not to go to University. After I had my children, however, I studied part time with the Open University and finally got my degree. I wanted to become a teacher of modern foreign languages but unfortunately an illness stopped me from pursuing my ambitious plans. I found it very difficult to accept and even thought life was not worth living. I felt frustrated because I was not getting better; my illness was to stay forever. There is no remedy or pill. I kept asking myself why did this have to happen to me, why is life so cruel?

When I was about 10 years old my mother went with her friends to see a healer who made a diagnosis from the retina of your eyes. As a young child I was constantly ill and on antibiotics with pneumonias, ear infections, or tonsillitis. I eventually grew out of these illnesses but was always aware of them. The lady healer looked at my eyes and told my mother that I was healthy then but one day I would be ill. I never worried about these words but when I became ill I suddenly realised she was right. I could do nothing about it, I had to accept it and start a new life.

At that difficult time of my life it was really good to talk. I was aware, however, that conversations with my family and friends just became dominated by my illness and that this was no fun for them and arranged counselling. My counsellor could understand my problems better than anybody else. I could not comprehend why anything so unfortunate had to happen to me.

I never did anything wrong, to the contrary I always thought of others before I thought of myself. But my counsellor and others told me not to think like that. It is just the way life is and there is no point trying to find an answer why. The important point to realise though is that illness is not a punishment of something wrong you have done. My counsellor also told me to enjoy and appreciate the good things in my life that I still have and I always think of that because I have many great things to enjoy in my life that help me to forget the hard side of life.

The process of accepting your illness or disability can be a long one. It is absolutely normal to feel depressed as long as you are enjoying it. But you will soon start to realise that feeling sorry for yourself will get you nowhere. You still have a life that you can enjoy; you can review what your strengths are and what you can still do. Now is the time not to dwell in the past but concentrate on the things you can still do in the future. Consider all your strengths, the qualifications you have; seek the help of a career advisor who will be more than happy to help you find a suitable job you might still be able to do bearing in mind your limitations. I shall come back to your career opportunities in strategy number 7.

Take time to accept your new situation

Talk about your problems – seek help of a professional counsellor

Start to think of your strengths rather than concentrate on your weaknesses

Rethink your career opportunities.

How to Bribe Your Cat Into a Back Massage

I was laying in bed tonight with my left shoulder hurting badly, normal for me. In fact, for so many of us with Invisible Illnesses the reality of laying awake at night in pain is not unusual, more the norm. Unfortunately. Usually it’s my hands or feet due to the neuropathy. Tonight my left hand feels weird, numb, kind of like a tight glove is on that hand. My feet hurt too so I lay on my stomach and put a pillow under my calves so my feet can point straight down instead of flat which stretches the nerves and ligaments. I also tend to sleep a lot scooted down to the foot of the bed with my feet hanging off the end, either way works well and of course, no covers on them! These are easy things I can do to make my sleep a little more comfortable. My shoulder is another problem. The pain is intense, sharp, starts at the bottom right corner and spreads all the way down to my finger tips, and to my chest. I think this is a pinched nerve, but I always forget to ask the doctor about it. That’s not entirely true. I asked my old doctor once. I had an xray but nothing showed and I dropped it. Since then I have ignored it as part of my life.

As usual I digress… So, was laying there in severe pain when my littlest cat came up wanting attention. Now I have to tell you something really weird, but true. The cat gives the best massages. Stands on my back and starts kneading. Sure you get the occasional claw, but it is so worth it. Anyway, I was laying there trying to figure out how to bribe the cat to give me a massage. Catnip comes to mind but then I picture Sox, my little 7 lb cat, or her mother (a much bigger fat cat) rolling around stoned on my back. Maybe not. Next I consider one of those feather toys on a stick. Of course I don't have one. Ha! I could make one easy, I have a garden stake, that would work. Realize this is at 4 a.m. and picture me ransacking the house for glue, cord, feathers, ribbon. Outside searching for lost feathers in the dark at 4 a.m. Oh what would the neighbors think?! So I squash this idea too. Besides, If I could actually get the cat to play with it she would be jumping up and down on my back, and that doesn't sound so good either. Can you say "tender points"? Ha last idea, treats. Why didn't I think of this before? I blame it on the time. Sox loves Science Diet treats. I wonder "have I really gotten this desperate?" The answer of course is a resounding "YES!". Now I need a plan to overcome the obstacles:

Step 1. Find the treats. Where were they last time I saw them? Darn this fibro fog!

Step 2. Occupy the dog. My dog generally insists on being wherever I am AND is jealous of Sox. Hmmmm maybe a nice juicy bone. I have some rib bones in the freezer.

Step 3. Get the cats attention. Shake the bag of treats That always works.

Just when I am ready to climb out of bed and put my plan in action. I hear it. The tv. My husband is home!

Now.... how to bribe him!

(p.s. I tried to bribe Sox with treats the next night, put the treats right on my back… no luck. Better luck next time!!)

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

http://invisibleillnessweek.com/?p=2301

1. The illness I live with is: diabetic peripheral neuropathy; fibromyalgia, and degenerative disc disease


2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: oy well the neuropathy and DDD 2008, and the fibromyalgia 1999


3. But I had symptoms since: the neuropathy I think 2007, but the fibromyalgia I've had since childhood. I had these sharp pains that the doctors said were growing pains. Problem is I never grew out of them.


4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: going from being one of the most active independent people I've ever known to being dependent on others even to take me grocery shopping and being totally inactive, stuck at home. The descrition I added to my blog says:
A year and a half ago I was a rising star with Disney. A top salesperson, heavily involved in the environment at Disney, winner of the prestigious Environmental Excellence award, working on my masters degree when my hands became riddled with inflammation, aching, stabbing, burning, and electric shock like pain. Today, I am unable to work, unable to drive, home 95% of the time. I want to educate other diabetics so this doesn't happen to them.


5. Most people assume: I'm just lazy.


6. The hardest part about mornings are: the stiffness and pain, plus sometimes, being awake all night


7. My favorite medical TV show is: Hawthorne, LOL


8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: The beverage buddy. It helps me open soda bottles, and cans tii


9. The hardest part about nights are: The pain and not being able to sleep


10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please) 20


11. Regarding alternative treatments I: have heard or tried them all, I appreciate your thought, but trust me I've heard it or tried it before.


12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: this is a tough call, I mean what exactly is a "visible" illness. unless it has scabs or rashes. I mean even cancer can be considered invisible. On the other hand, if by visible you mean something that is more widely known and accepted, sure that would be easier but no I wouldn't trade the invisible illnesses I have for a visible one I don't know about. Stay with the evil you know.


13. Regarding working and career: mentioned above, but damn do I miss it. I mean why do people think I would really choose to stay laying on the couch at home all day over a job I loved?


14. People would be surprised to know: That not working isn't all it's cracked up to be.


15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Giving up my independence and dealing with the constant pain and exhaustion.


16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Help other people.


17. The commercials about my illness:  Well, the Lyrica commercials crack me up. It's good that they are out there which brings awareness. But the reality is Lyrica only worked in 28% of people. And the side effects. I gained 50 lbs and had a rash on my legs they wouldn't admit to being from the Lyrica. I was in the study for it. If they admit the rash was from the Lyrica they would have to put it down as a side effect.


18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: driving, working, socializing with my friends, picking up my niece and nephew from school and hanging out with them.


19. It was really hard to have to give up: my job.


20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: blogging


21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: pick up my niece and nephew and spend the day with them like I used to. Go to the pier, or the aquarium, get pizza.


22. My illness has taught me:  I'm not as tough as I thought I was.


23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: if you just excercise or lose some weight you will feel better.


24. But I love it when people: Ask what they can do to help, even just vacuuming or unloading the dishwasher.


25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: Just do it! LOL


26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: First, there are people who have the same illness and will be there to help you through this, including me. And, talking to people with the same illness does help. Second, I am here and willing to answer any of your questions. With the diabetes I would like to educate them so they know how dangerous diabetes is and the consequences.


27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: how my husband has taken on the role of caretaker.


28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: pick up my prescriptions, bring me noodle soup, took my doggie out for a  walk.


29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: it shouldn't be invisible. Invisible illnesses are as real and as serious as the more known, more visible illnesses.


30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: proud.