I’m a Spoonie, are you?

First I want to apologize to everyone for not writing in so long. I’ve been saving my hands for other ventures, mostly watercolor painting.

Today, thanks to Twitter, I discovered a brilliant mind. Christine Miserandino is the author of The Spoon Theory. http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

Daily we deal with the “but you don’t look sick” or “why can’t you?” or even worse “you’re just lazy”. Christine’s best friend asked her to explain how she feels on a daily basis. Christine thought for a while and handed her a bunch of spoons. Everyday those with illness start off with so many spoons each day. Some days we may have more spoons, some days less, but each day we start with “x” amount of limited spoons. Spoons = capabilities = tasks = energy. Today, I got up. This cost me a spoon. In fact, I didn’t get much sleep as I was awaken after only five hours. This costs me another spoon. I got up, went to the bathroom, threw on some clothes, brushed my teeth, and made a bowl of cereal. This cost me a spoon. I hung out with my neighbor and painted a picture, this cost me a spoon. I made dinner, another spoon. I may only have one spoon left, I’m saving it in reserve as I’ve been sick all week. After all, I don’t want to borrow from tomorrow’s spoons.

If I stay up to late watching tv I will be nauseous, and hurting, so I might lose my spoon yet.

I think I’ll look for a silver spoon ring on ebay to remind me to always count my spoons, how about you?

Technorati Tags: spoonie,@bydls,Christine Miserandino,lupus,fibromyalgia

Dazed and Confused - In the GROCERY STORE

To be totally honest I’m not sure if I should be sharing this with you, or why I am, but I gotta let it out somewhere. I went to the grocery store tonight, my typical Friday night event, grocery list in hand. Remember that, grocery list in hand because it’s important. When suddenly I’m just confused. Confused about what I’m supposed to be doing. I mean in the grocery store, with the grocery list, and totally lost and confused as to what I’m supposed to be doing. I wander around for about half an hour trying to figure it out, panic starting to burble up inside of me like acid reflux.

I decide to call my husband for a rescue, mind you I’m all of a mile from my house and it’s straight down the road. But, my cell phone is in the car charging so I decide to just leave. I paid for the two measly bags worth of stuff I did manage to grab before totally losing my marbles, and maybe a few things during the mental state I can only refer to as extreme stupidity.  I walked out, threw the stuff in the trunk and hesitated for a moment about driving home. But, I was feeling lucid and like I said it’s only a mile straight ahead.

I came home, left the two bags in the trunk. Opened the door to my husband asking me questions and wondering why I’m mad at him for some reason. Babe, not everything is about you. I ignored him and just crawled in bed, pulled the covers over my head and cried.

I know this is what fibrofog is all about, but damn, it doesn’t make me feel any less stupid.

Mystery Continues

I went to a new rheumatologist on Wednesday, Dr. Youngblood. She seems good and bad. Bad because she doesn't believe in fibromyalgia. But, in a good way. I know that makes no sense at all. She believes that there is always an underlying reason and that doctors are too lazy to dig. I hate going to the rheumy. I mean who with fibro doesn't? Getting poked and prodded and asked "does this hurt?" Um just count the "OW"s. Who knew my ribs were so tender? or, my right hip? Apparently, not me. I don't need all my fingers and toes squeezed to see if they hurt, I told you that. Damn, the toes on my right foot still hurt! Actually, I am just finishing my second cold of the season and it's set off a massive flare so everything hurts. Back, shoulders, arms, down to my fingertips aching. Hips aching. Left back (I always say shoulder because it's the area that surrounds the shoulder blade but the doctors keep telling me this is my back not my shoulder) is just throbbing incredibly through to the front and down the left arm.
Back to the doctor. She seems thorough. She ought to, she had both feet, both hands, lower spine and t-spine all x-rayed. I swear it was at least 12 x-rays, plus the blood. Seven vials of blood. With my veins that took a while. Three hours and six prescriptions later. Granted, the prescriptions were all refills of my diabetes, thyroid, blood pressure, muscle relaxers, plus some topical thing. She thinks this is all due to some inflammatory arthritis, possibly lupus, but more likely an inflammatory arthritis. I go back in two weeks for the results. Right now though, I've got to see if a sleeping pill will help, as you know it's near impossible to sleep in this kind of pain.