mind racing

I have been awake all night again. Everytime I go to bed my mind starts racing with "I could be doing this" "I should be doing that". The first time I got back out of bed, after laying there 10 minutes, I cleaned the cat box, wrote my friend an email, and made marinade and put the steak for dinner tonight to marinate. This time I was laying there with my mind racing thinking "I should be working on the mural". (But I didn't, my back and shoulders are hurting way too bad). The mural, my "manic" project. It's been a month or two since I started it, and really it's not that involved, but when I can't sleep at 3 or 4 in the morning, I take a xanax or two, then paint for about 15 minutes, it helps calm me down. The funny thing is, Stephen is asleep right there and clueless that anything is going on while he is sleeping. Poor man never knows what he will wake up to find, lol!!! This is a picture from about a month ago. I have started the tree that comes up from the other side of the dresser and added more flowers to this to make some bunches of flowers in places. It's supposed to be kind of abstract cherry blossoms but cherry blossom trees, in bloom, have thousands of flowers all over them. I think that would be overdoing it for one wall!

I shouldn't be writing this. I spent too much time last night researching companies for my hubby to apply to. We've already sent so many. Yesterday he looked up the phone numbers of at least 50 companies we applied to so he can call them and make sure they received them. But, now my hands look like I've been punching walls again. oh well, such is life. For me stress = insomnia + pain. My lower back, hips, and even the middle of my back have been killing me. My legs too. I actually had Stephen massage my legs for me today, well yesterday now as it's 8:30 am. I hope this xanax kicks in soon so I can catch some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

be well, chele