How to Cope with Sudden Illness or Disability by Martina Roe: Part 1 of 6

Illness and disability might come in many forms. Some illnesses and disabilities have to be faced from birth; others are developed during people’s lifetime.

They can come on suddenly or gradually develop over many years without the person knowing about it. People are usually genetically predisposed but illnesses can also be the result of the polluted environment or the lifestyle we adopt. Coming to terms with any illness is not easy and might take a long time especially when your illness surprises you all of a sudden.

Imagine that you are happy, you life is going very well and you are very proud of all your achievements.

You have got a great family and circle of friends until one day something very unfortunate happens to you. You become ill or have an accident and you can no longer enjoy life as you used to. Suddenly everything seems to be falling apart. All kinds of scenarios may come up; you might no longer be in a position to support your family financially, you could lose your job, simply your dreams are falling apart.

This is the hardest time and naturally you will be down about it, yet with a few changes you might still be able to live your life to the full. The following easy steps should help you in the right direction.

1. Allow yourself time to come to terms with your illness

I understand fully how you feel. The whole world is upside down and you are in the middle of it believing life will never be the same again with you just being miserable fighting your illness or disability. You might lose your friends because you will no longer be able to socialize as you used to. But this is also the time to find out who your real friends are.

They will be there to support you and do anything that is in their strength. They will, however, not feel sorry for you forever and you will have to find out soon that if the only topic of conversation is your illness, with time even your kind hearted friends will lose interest. It is also important for you to judge, whether your friends are honest with you.

Even though it might not be obvious to you some of your friends could be taking advantage of you and drain you emotionally. My sister, before her marriage broke up, used to look for emotional support from her friends. Someone, who she really trusted and thought highly of, actually used to say to her things which were making her feel even more depressed and she did not realise it at that time. Once I went to see her friend too and she told me nasty things about my father that were not true, with a view to manipulate one of his decisions about my future education. I was on top of things so I just ignored it and did not think highly of my sister’s friend but she could not do it herself at that time. Later she realised how much her friend was harming her and stopped visiting her.

Thinking positively is no easy matter but it is important to be enthusiastic about life again. There are only two choices for you to make. You can stay depressed and complain about your problems till the rest of your life or you have the option of trying to make most of your life even with all your limitations. We all know that cancer patients who remain positive live longer than those who become very depressed. The same applies to any chronic illness or disability. My sister’s first husband lost his leg in an accident. He eventually drank himself to death. If he had taken a more positive approach and enjoyed the little things that remained to him, he could have still been here with us enjoying all the achievements of his daughter who is now in her twenties.

Allow yourself time to let all the negative emotions to go first, which might take time. It is good to know that there are people who you can talk to and counselling might be especially appropriate at this time. I found the help of a counsellor especially helpful at the stage of my life when I myself became ill and could no longer achieve my own goals. I was always very ambitious and performed very well at school. Everyone thought highly of me and believed I would do very well in my life. I remember people did not approve when I chose not to go to University. After I had my children, however, I studied part time with the Open University and finally got my degree. I wanted to become a teacher of modern foreign languages but unfortunately an illness stopped me from pursuing my ambitious plans. I found it very difficult to accept and even thought life was not worth living. I felt frustrated because I was not getting better; my illness was to stay forever. There is no remedy or pill. I kept asking myself why did this have to happen to me, why is life so cruel?

When I was about 10 years old my mother went with her friends to see a healer who made a diagnosis from the retina of your eyes. As a young child I was constantly ill and on antibiotics with pneumonias, ear infections, or tonsillitis. I eventually grew out of these illnesses but was always aware of them. The lady healer looked at my eyes and told my mother that I was healthy then but one day I would be ill. I never worried about these words but when I became ill I suddenly realised she was right. I could do nothing about it, I had to accept it and start a new life.

At that difficult time of my life it was really good to talk. I was aware, however, that conversations with my family and friends just became dominated by my illness and that this was no fun for them and arranged counselling. My counsellor could understand my problems better than anybody else. I could not comprehend why anything so unfortunate had to happen to me.

I never did anything wrong, to the contrary I always thought of others before I thought of myself. But my counsellor and others told me not to think like that. It is just the way life is and there is no point trying to find an answer why. The important point to realise though is that illness is not a punishment of something wrong you have done. My counsellor also told me to enjoy and appreciate the good things in my life that I still have and I always think of that because I have many great things to enjoy in my life that help me to forget the hard side of life.

The process of accepting your illness or disability can be a long one. It is absolutely normal to feel depressed as long as you are enjoying it. But you will soon start to realise that feeling sorry for yourself will get you nowhere. You still have a life that you can enjoy; you can review what your strengths are and what you can still do. Now is the time not to dwell in the past but concentrate on the things you can still do in the future. Consider all your strengths, the qualifications you have; seek the help of a career advisor who will be more than happy to help you find a suitable job you might still be able to do bearing in mind your limitations. I shall come back to your career opportunities in strategy number 7.

Take time to accept your new situation

Talk about your problems – seek help of a professional counsellor

Start to think of your strengths rather than concentrate on your weaknesses

Rethink your career opportunities.