How to Cope with Sudden Illness or Disability by Martina Roe: Part 4 & 5 of 6

4. Learn how you can best help yourself feel better

Try and find out as much as you can about your particular health problem. Alternative therapies are a great way of harmonising your energy and the practitioners at alternative therapy clinics will be more than happy to advise you on which therapy would be most suited for you. The clinic might also run courses that will help you to apply some methods on your own. Naturally you will not be able to do everything. It takes practitioners of acupuncture years of study and practise before mastering the skills in their field and you would certainly not be able to apply any of the techniques on your own. You can, nevertheless, learn about acupressure or reflexology points and apply them regularly yourself. You can find out about which point corresponds to which organ in your body and which points would be more beneficial to press for you, how frequently and in which sequences.

I try to practise acupressure or reflexology on myself regularly and am quite amazed how much sensitivity or pain I can feel in the points that represent the organs of my body which are not functioning too well. I get also slightly excited that I am a bit of an expert on the subject. I feel it works because of the sensitivity of the points and I can help others to apply the same techniques. If you do not feel like pressing reflexology points on your feet you can just walk without your shoes on grass, on sandy or pebbly beach. In the past when people did not wear shoes and with no hard surfaces their feet were constantly massaged in the same way that the principles of reflexology healing work. Stepping over small stones is very beneficial because you activate and massage all the reflexology points at the same time. And there is so much more you can do to help yourself.

Learn from books or courses how you can help yourself (many local health authorities organise courses for people how to deal with any long term health condition)

Give the techniques which are recommended to relieve your particular symptom a try

Find out what works for you

Stick to the remedies or self help techniques which work best for you and be persistent (naturally follow any breaks which are recommended – for example you are always advised to have a break from herbal treatments in regular intervals).

5. Concentrate on the present, do not dwell in the past or worry about the future.

Have your caught yourself ever saying, “If this did not happen I would not get myself in the state I am in. I should have done things differently and so on?” Such claims might or might not be true, it does not really matter. What matters is that you try to ignore such thoughts because they will not help you advance in your life. You might be experiencing pain because someone has wronged you in the past. My sister keeps constantly reminding our mother how badly she brought her up and that she never had time for her, basically drawing attention to the mistakes our mother made. Some of these accusations might be true, others are not really justified but that is not important. What matters is that my sister should let go of these feelings of hurt otherwise she will always feel grudge against her mother and it will not help her advance in the relationship. In any case it is something, which happened in the past and can no longer be changed, so there is not much point trying to change it. If my sister really wanted to improve her relationship with our mother she should concentrate on ways how the relationship between them could be improved.

As a child I was sexually abused by my uncle, luckily for me he died when I was 14 years old. As I wanted to move on in my life I forgave him when he passed away, otherwise I would just live my life full of anger with images of what happened haunting me all the time. Such feelings of anger can sometimes completely dominate your life making you even ill. For your own sake it is important to let go of these ill feelings, this will naturally not be easy and you might need to seek help of a psychiatrist or a counsellor. But it is important to free yourself of any such feelings. You cannot forget but you have to forgive so you can live a happier and more fulfilling life. If you ever experience disturbing thoughts from the past you can keep saying to yourself. “What happened in the past happened, I let it go, I let it go, I let it go, I shall now put it behind me and concentrate on the present. There are good things for me to build on so I can achieve my dream one day.”

The present is the most important part of your life. Take a moment to reflect on how you feel. Can you experience the ‘here and now? Can you sit down for 5 minutes to be in a calm state concentrating on deep breaths without any thoughts spreading to your mind? Unless you practised this kind of meditation before I am sure you found this exercise difficult. Meditation techniques are very beneficial because they help us discover more who we are. That is not an easy matter in today’s extremely stressful society.

Reflect now on the thoughts, which were springing into your mind. Did you worry about your problems for which you have no answer? This is completely normal. As a result of your illness or disability you might have less power to influence matters in your life. I myself often worry what will happen to my children, or what if my illness deteriorates quickly and so on. But such worries are useless; they will only make my life more difficult and I am learning not to worry about anything that might go wrong in the future. Worrying only helps us to let our worries come alive. Mothers often worry about their children being cold or catching a cold and would not let them play with cold water. Children often feel warmer than adults and it is therefore better just to take a jumper with you rather than forcing them to wear it. The funny think is that if children catch a cold in the majority of cases it is not because they were cold or got wet (even though this might increase their chances of catching a cold). Usually a virus spreads around and everybody has it at the same time.My husband always complains about rain, yet it is his hostile attitude towards rain that makes him more uncomfortable than the rain itself. At the end of the day a bit of rain that we can feel on our bodies is only beneficial for us in the same way as walking barefoot in the wet morning grass.

I know and have accepted that I shall never live into my nineties as my grandmother did but then what does it matter. I am hypothesizing about something, which would be happening a long time away from now. Instead I rather concentrate on this very moment making sure that I am enjoying life to the full, that I give the right support and guidance to my children and that I can see them grow into responsible citizens. Even though your life is or seems to you to be much harder than anybody else’s do not imagine it to be harder. In our actions we often follow what our mind tells us to do. Make sure you give it positive commands. Do not worry about the future, sure you want to plan for it and see where you are going. It is only positive to have a dream or a challenge for your future. Your dream can, however only be achieved if you set yourself little challenges which you achieve day by day.

Do not dwell in the past

Forgive those who have wronged you

Do not worry of what could go wrong in the future – just let anxiety and worry go and allow reality to happen instead

Do not believe things will end badly.