How to Cope with Sudden Illness or Disability by Martina Roe: Parts 6 & 7

6. Try to eliminate stress from your life

As we all know stress contributes greatly to many illnesses. Stress in small dosage is useful but on a large scale can be very negative.

When our body senses danger it prepares to flee in which case our heart rate increases. If we experience such states too often our health suffers as a result. The slower our heart rate the longer our life. Breathing exercises can help us calm down influencing our heart in a positive way. Take deep slow breaths to the count of 5.

Are you breathing properly? Let’s make a test. Stand or sit straight in front of a mirror. Take one deep breath and watch yourself.

Did your shoulders move up? Then you are not breathing properly as you are breathing through your chest and not through your abdomen. Now put your hand on your abdomen and take some more breaths. Can you feel your hand move up and down? Then you are breathing correctly. Try and practise this deep breathing exercise each day for a few minutes. You will then start to adopt such breathing automatically throughout the day.

If you find it difficult to sleep then deep breathing can also help you to relax and go to sleep. Sleep is naturally very important. Try to go to bed and get up at the same time each day ensuring that you have at least eight hours’ sleep.The need for the length of sleep will naturally vary from individual to individual. Try to free yourself from all worries or any anger, relax the hour before going to bed with a gentle music or a book, anything which will help you go to sleep better. Do not watch television just before going to bed and if at all possible, have your bedroom television free. Just think how parents put their small children to bed. They pamper them with a bath and once they are nice and cosy in bed they read them a bedtime story or sing a lullaby. We know it works for little children but we do not apply it to ourselves.

We should try and live in harmony with everybody else. This might not always be easy. I know myself that the relations in our neighbourhood are rather tense. When I consider my family there is always an argument of one sort or another going on. The neighbours in our road always fight for parking spaces, especially during the weekends. One day our neighbour could not find a parking space so she parked her car in front of her garage but at the same time blocked an entrance to our second neighbour’s garage. He did not like it and asked her to move the car. At the end they started to argue. The arguments ended up in violence with the police having to be involved.In such arguments it is difficult to judge who is to blame because both parties are equally guilty, but the lesson to learn is not to get involved in such arguments or learn how to deal with them constructively. If you are angry with somebody take a few deep breaths and explain calmly to the person why you are angry and what you would like the person to do instead. Do not swear at anybody or accuse them of being an idiot, the response you will be getting should be less hostile. Write down on a piece of paper something similar to the following quote.

“I can express my anger, irritability or rage politely and effectively. It does not matter who with or what the issue is.” Do not forget that if you can’t do so it is likely that you are constantly increasing your blood pressure which is not good for your heart.

Our neighbour has learnt a lesson not to park in front of the other neighbour’s garage. Sometimes it is better to avoid conflictive situations even if it means an effort. In the case of our neighbour it is the inconvenience of parking her car a bit further away from her house and having to walk slightly further. But then walking is healthy; she might even be doing something for her health. Actually she is doing rather a lot of walking at the moment because she was drink driving and had her licence taken away from her for a year.

When it comes to arguments and judging people I like to become non judgemental. Our neighbour no longer lives next to us but I have remained a good friend of hers. She has supported me incredibly well when I was at my lowest and all I am doing is praising her for that. She might have some faults but then we all do, and often it is impossible to put ourselves into other people’s shoes and understand why they behave the way they do. Before I had my own children I sometimes used to see children who were really naughty, full of tantrums in the streets, and could not comprehend how their parents could let them behave in such an awful manner. But when I had my own children I finally realised that even they have their difficult moments. In such situations I would say to myself that there must be others who are judging me in the same way as I used the judge the parents of the naughty children.

New information and communication technologies are making our lives easier and especially people who are not very mobile benefit greatly from these. But there are naturally some very negative features. As well as encouraging a less healthy and more sedentary lifestyles modern technologies take the human touch away from us. Children find it more difficult to interact with each other when they spend hours on the computer and many families now are deciding to have their home computer and television free as it makes their family lives more stress free. Children might resist such idea first but later they become more creative and can interact better with their parents, siblings and friends. It might be an idea to review your use of modern technologies and possibly restrict their use, if at all possible. It is always nicer to meet your friends in person than just send e-mails to them.

I have also found that prayers can help you have a positive attitude and keep you peaceful. They work very much like hypnosis; you believe there is some higher spiritual being that is helping you overcome your problems. As a child I grew up in Prague under the communist regime. At that time you were not allowed to practise your religion and only could do so in secret. My family went to Church on Sundays, but because discussing matters was also not on the agenda under the communist regime, I never quite understood the concept of God till I was in my teens. By then the communist regime was breaking down. Since then I believed sometimes very strongly but I also, like everyone else, had my doubts at other times. When I feel better, I believe in God strongly, but when I feel ill, I can doubt his existence. Yet I know this is somehow wrong. You yourself might be going through very similar mixed feelings. But I am always assured that God will be there for me even if I doubted him that he will forgive me and be there for me even though I might occasionally doubt his existence. I once assembled some prayers and put them on a website. One energy healer said to me that the prayer page was full of energy. His comment reassured me that with good intentions you would always be surrounded by positive energy.

I pray simple prayers every day, just keeping it simple, thanking God for all the great things he gave me, teaching me to get on well with everybody else, not to bear a grudge against anybody. I have learned that God is inside each one of us, but it depends on each individual how much we actually notice him. Praying is all about making you a happier, healthier, wealthier person. It can also help you go to sleep.

It is also well known that people who worship God regularly live healthier, longer and happier lives. It is often the social contact and support from church members that contribute to this happiness in great amount. But beware of sects, who in God’s name want to create evil, they recruit people and especially those vulnerable ones will say yes. If you know the Bible well and all God’s teachings the sect member will not bother you. I remember after the fall of the communist regime the Czech sects that were until then forced to practise in secrecy, were recruiting their new members. Once my father invited them in because he did not know who these people were. When the cult associates found out that my father knew the Bible well, they left very quickly without bothering him ever again.

Learn how to breath well and practise deep breathing exercises

Relax before bedtime ensuring you get enough rest, going to bed and getting up at regular times

Learn how to live in harmony by learning how to express anger in a constructive way

Prayers can help you to live a stress free live as well as giving you hope and believe in yourself.

7. You are the maker of your own luck


Right at this moment you might be thinking that it is not in your power to improve your life in any way. Let me tell you that even if you think you have very little left there is still so much strength in you which you are not aware of and that I would like to help you discover.

The main clue to success is to start small, giving you manageable goals each day that will build on each other. Break your tasks into smaller chunks if your challenge is slightly larger. Many people make the mistake that when they have a brilliant idea they think big and want to see success overnight. I would never manage to write these strategies in just one day, I get tired quickly and have to rest but at the end I shall complete it if I write a little every day.

My son thinks he will be able to swim easily to the other side of the river. When he is in the middle, however he has to return because he is out of breath. He will manage it one day but must pursue his goal and practise swimming each day a bit further.One day his stamina will improve to make it all the way. He also wants to write series for television. But he does not realise that before aiming so high he has to have small success first then work hard for the big success. He would be much better off if he considered entering competitions of creative writing for his age group first. But at this moment he can only see fame, he cannot understand he has to work really hard to get to the top.

It is therefore important to take one step at a time. If it is an effort for you just to get out of bed and make breakfast perhaps this could be challenge number one for the rest of the week to get up by a certain time. Gradually and slowly add a few extra challenges as you go along. A the end of each day or week make a review of what you managed to achieve that you could not do previously. You could perhaps keep a diary and set yourself some targets for the day and review them later. I find keeping a diary very useful with my son. As the majority of children of his age he finds it difficult to plan his homework leaving them often till the end when there is not enough time left. The diary helps him to monitor what he has done and what he still has to do but it gives him also this essential skill of planning and organising his day so he does not spend the whole day on the computer.Keep on reviewing your tasks and challenges and make sure that you do not set yourself too tough challenges which you then feel disappointed because you have not achieved them. Rather slightly adapt your challenges and make them easier, or if your tasks were too easy, set yourself more demanding goals. And do not be a perfectionist; it does not matter if the house is not absolutely 100% clean.I have got a friend who is always so worried about things going wrong when she invites her friends for dinner that at the end she is so stressed and exhausted. Friends are there to cheer you up, not to make you feel even more awful, they will most certainly not mind if everything is not absolutely 100% perfect. Do not therefore worry about things going wrong or that anything is not perfect.

If you want to work I believe you can find a job that suits you, will be enjoyable and will give you satisfaction. Ill or disabled people often feel depressed because they feel they cannot contribute to society as much as others. Companies are often discouraged from employing people with disabilities because they fear that such people will be absent regularly and not be as efficient as others suffering loss as a result even though by law employers must not discriminate against employees with disability. There is help at hand for you as there are organisations that will help you find a job that is suitable for you with training for the appropriate job. You might also enjoy other benefits such as reduced alternative therapy treatments, or start up money packages if you think of running your own business. Explore all that is available of which you can take advantage.

As mentioned previously it is important to think small.You might feel others have got an easy life and can prosper well without having to fight an illness or disability every day. First let me assure you that even the people who appear to have no problems can be flooded with them. I know you feel like you are a victim, but it is important to think of yourself as a winner or becoming one. Do not compare yourself to others. We are all unique individuals with different experiences, values or beliefs. If your neighbour was disadvantaged like you would he or she have achieved as much as you?

You might still feel uneasy about the whole situation saying you are too ill to do any work. That is exactly how I felt not so long ago. The nature of my illness is such that I would not be able to turn up for any regular work. I have so much skill and ability yet I cannot use it even though I very much want to do something. I started to think whether I could work for myself on a self-employed basis. This would mean I could work when I feel a bit better and when I feel unwell I can just take it easy and relax. I speak and write 6 languages fluently so I could possibly do translations. Everyone around me is discouraging me because they believe it is a job that is not very financially rewarding. Yet I am not discouraged and am determined to work hard for it; most translation agencies only accept people with 3 or 4 years experience. But that does not discourage me. I am in the meantime translating adventure stories my uncle published in Czech after his journey to South America into English and this should give me some experience in translation.If I were healthy, I would naturally aim higher. It is nevertheless a great challenge for me.

Do not look for any reasons which would be stopping you from pursuing your realistic coal. People manage to find all kinds of excuses for things they have not done and should have done. As I am writing these strategies my life is certainly not straightforward. Yet I believe that tomorrow will be a better day and I will be able to continue and help great people like you achieve your dreams and be happy. I know things were tough for me and it took me a long time to finally find the right path. If I had a chance to read something similar to the 7 strategies I would have appreciated it very much and I hope that what you are reading is beginning to change your life for the better.

It is important to go only at a pace you are comfortable with. While you are patient and waiting for your dreams to materialise you are obviously doing all the right things that will help you to achieve your goal one day in the future.

In the past I watched films, where people who were involved in accidents causing them serious injuries made an incredible comeback.I always used to admire their strength and wished nothing of that nature would happen to me as I felt I would not be able to cope with it.Yet without this incredible strength such people would have no life at all.People who are blind develop all their other senses much better than we do, otherwise they would have to live in total darkness and isolation. I just wanted to show you that this incredible strength is in all of you and you have the capacity to use it to improve your life and the life of those around you. And do not forget - it is those around you who also help you enormously to pull through your difficult moments. One lady who became ill said there was not point for her to live on because she could not do what she was hoping to achieve. She just started to work in a nursery and only recently completed her course. But her family assured her that there is live for her only if she remains positive and that they are there to help her pull through it. Even though she can no longer work and has to rely on her family to help her she is happy because her family are there supporting her, she keeps herself positive and focused and is very proud of her children who learned to help their mum as much as possible.

If you think there is no such strength within you to change live for the better I am going to prove you wrong. On one sheet of paper write down all the negative aspects of your life, on another sheet reflect on the positive ones. Weigh them all up. You probably wrote more negative stuff quickly while the positive stuff only came up very slowly. Never mind, this is all about appreciating the entire positive side of your life now. The negative parts are hard, but throw the negative sheet in the bin. As you do so, imagine all these problems are locked up in the bin now and when you take the rubbish down to be collected imagine they are going with all the other rubbish into the landfill site. Every time the negative parts re-appear in your life try to imagine them going into the bin and away with the rest of the rubbish.

Let us instead concentrate on the positive now. If you only managed to write down very little let me help you to think of some more. When you are not feeling too good, it is difficult to see all the positive side of your life. But do you have a supportive family, a circle of friends, can you read, write, have access to the Internet, can you walk or have enough strength to push yourself in a wheelchair? If you have some of these you will be able to pursue your interests – perhaps studying something you enjoy, you can join like-minded people on the Internet or you can write about your problems and share your experience with others. To write about what bothers you helps and you never know your articles might be great and appear on websites for which you will earn some money. Nowadays there are so many opportunities thanks to the Internet, especially for people who are ill and disabled and cannot go to work on a daily basis. I always felt people with disabilities were so much closer to God and artistically gifted – they have the time to notice little thingsthat busy people cannot. I am sure you have heard of artists who paint with their legs or their mouth and their paintings are truly marvellous. Would they have not had their disability they would probably get on with their everyday lives and they would never have discovered this special gift in them. There is a special gift in everybody and even you can discover it and make good use of it.

If you cannot continue in your current job or cannot achieve your career ambitions help those around you who will certainly appreciate your input or expertise. Or help those who are facing similar problems like you. If you have children help them to achieve their potential. They will appreciate it greatly and it will be a consolation to you that they will do well and may not only fulfil but also eclipse your hopes and dreams. Let them, however, decide for themselves what they would like to do.

If you stick with your realistic goal you will achieve it. Also do not always listen to your prospects that have been forecasted by doctors for the development of your illness. As mentioned earlier the same illness can behave differently in various individuals. If you were forecasted that it would probably be 3 years by which time you would be in a wheelchair do not fix it in your mind. Rather try to be positive and keep walking as much and as regularly as you can. The longer you keep it up, the longer you can do it. I have heard of people who were told by their doctors that their illness was not curable; however, they even adopted a different approach to treatment than suggested by their doctor and have cured their illness even though their doctor has given them only a few years of life.

You can achieve your goals

Think small; accept that you will have some bad days. Find ways how to overcome these and say tomorrow will be a better day

Break bigger tasks into smaller chunks

Stick up with your goal – do not give up

It is now exactly a year ago since I wrote 7 Strategies how to cope with illness and disability. Since then my live has improved even though the first 6 months of this last year were the toughest of my live. I am afraid during these 6 months I have completely forgotten about these 7 Strategies and somehow never believed I would ever get better. But I did, perhaps because unconsciously I had these Strategies in my mind.

In the last couple of months I even started to work as an Invigilator, something I never dreamed I could do a year ago.And I am also thinking of helping out at my sons’ school, I could use my skills and help perhaps some students prepare for their French or German exams. I am still thinking about becoming a translator one day but I have other very exciting plans as well. I see my life as very rich; I do so many different things I could not do if I had to work every day and doing the same thing over and over again must be boring. Well a couple of years ago I thought that being unable to go to work is the worst thing that can ever happen to anybody.

It is the belief which is very important. Just try to say the following in your head, “Life is very hard, life is very hard”. Then relax, take some deep breaths and note how you feel.

Now do the same exercise again and instead of saying that life is hard, try and say something positive, such as, “I can take steps to make my life better and happier.” Now relax again, take a few deep breaths and notice how you feel.

I am sure you felt better when you kept telling yourself that you can take steps to make your life better and happier.

I hope that you found reading the “7 Strategies how to cope with illness or disability” enjoyable and useful and that over time some of these strategies if not all will help you to improve the quality of your life and make you a happier person. If you are in doubt about anything please consult your doctor, especially if you want to embark on any new exercise, diet or treatment regime. I wish you all good luck.