How to Cope with Sudden Illness or Disability by Martina Roe: Part 2 & 3 of 6

2. You are not alone – make most of all help and support groups

Sometimes I take a lady from the neighbourhood shopping with me. Like me she has health problems, some of them are similar to mine.I truly enjoy talking to her.

We can complain to each other about our problems, we can learn from each other how we deal with our ailments, what remedies alleviate our symptoms or which alternative therapies are helpful. We share a common problem and I know she will not be bored. We can put ourselves into each other’s shoes easily. But I know that the rest of the world including my family will not understand or be interested in what I am going through. I have therefore learnt not to bring up the subject of my illness in front of others.

This might be difficult because you might want to share your problems with your friends but you do not want to bore them with it. It’s therefore better to think of matters, which are more cheerful and positive. Or just listening to your friends will do the trick - people just love to talk and will appreciate that you listen. At the end of the day if you recount to people how hard life is treating you, they will only tell you how much harder their life is.

Rarely might you come across somebody who understands and will be willing to listen to you but apart from these rare individuals you have to find those who will like to share their own problems with you. I have a friend who has health problems but never mentioned them in front of me. As soon as I let her know that I became ill she suddenly flooded me with e-mails, how she herself was not well and how she coped with it. Her normal messages of a few lines suddenly turned into long pages. She knew I would understand and that I would not be bored.

I first thought that there was nobody else who had to suffer in the same way as I do. It was only when I got to know my friend with similar health problems, I realised, I was not alone. I learnt there were others who had to endure similar difficulties. Sometimes they manage to cope well; other times they find it harder to cope. But they can be there to support each other.

It is therefore only to your advantage to join support groups and be there for each other learning from your strength. I know of people who complain of such groups not seeing any point in them. They argue that at the end of the day they still have to come to their own homes, being unable to pay for all their bills and having to cope on their own. Support groups will naturally not solve all people’s problems, but they can help people overcome some of the unpleasant sides of life.

It is important to appreciate all the help of the professionals who organise these support groups and put people in contact. You can either ignore them or make most of them. The choice is yours. When I was coming to terms with my new situation I was given a contact of a woman’s group. When I looked at the details I could see that this group was intended for women with mental health problems. Even though I was depressed I was not suffering from long-term mental health problems. I therefore ignored this particular group. Your own family members might sometimes not approve of you joining such groups. They might feel that you will just become absorbed with your illness thinking of nothing else and making yourself even more ill by analysing what you suffer or not suffer from. Do not look for your relatives’ approval. Instead decide what works best for you. Like with everything else in life take the middle route, do not go into extremes. Enjoy the support of your like-minded friends but only to enrich your life. Do not get stuck in complaints about your misfortune.Surround yourself with people with whom you feel great, avoid people who are distracting you from achieving your goal.

Try to be yourself; do not listen to criticisms of other people. And do not compare yourself to celebrities who look ‘perfect’. They only look perfect in magazines but they have real problems of their own.

You are not on your own, there are others with similar problems you can join forces with

Use the support of others in similar position like yours to enrich each other’s lives

Use the middle route; it is OK to complain about your position in the short term, in the long-term concentrate on the positive.

Feeling sorry for yourself will take you nowhere.

3. Nurture yourself

I have a question for you to which I would like you to give me a sincere answer.

Who is the most precious person in your life, who do you value most? Give it a thought before you read on.

Your partner, your child or perhaps your parent? Was this your possible answer?

I am sure all these people mean a lot to you otherwise you would not be naming them. But there might be times when even they can let you down.The only person you can always trust is you.I know it sounds funny but you will always be in your own company. You can either cheer yourself up or make yourself miserable. But first of all you need to take care of yourself and make sure that you can keep yourself as healthy as possible.

Naturally you cannot cure your illness or disability but you can learn how to live your live to the best - that is how to relieve your symptoms in the best possible way.

There is so much you can do to help yourself feel better. We are all different and not every remedy or therapy will help everybody with the same health problem. Take for example allergies – they all work on the same principle when the body starts to defend itself against substances which are normally not harmful, yet the symptoms can be so different ranging from runny nose, itchy or weepy eyes, sneezing, rushes, eczema and digestive problems to name the few. It is therefore understandable that some remedies will work for some but not for others. A lot of people have said they tried so many remedies or therapies and nothing ever worked. Some therapies take longer to kick in and it is important to be patient and observe the changes, which are happening to your body. Often the most effective self-help techniques are the easiest ones. Think for example of the time when you try to imagine throwing all your negative thoughts and all your pain into the bin and getting rid of them. This is known as a visualisation technique and you can imagine almost anything you wish; you can let your imagination work. Imagine yourself being strong, as a leader, as someone who can make it to the top of the mountain. Or think of yourself lying on the beach, sunbathing and the sun’s energy travelling into each part of your body making you feel warm and energised. You might be amazed that by imagining it you can actually get all the benefits of it happening in real life. You could also consider autogenic training, where you will learn to relax and it might even help you go to sleep if you are experiencing problems with your sleep.

Try and find something that you enjoy, develop an interest or a hobby. You might enjoy a good story or just a cup of tea can be nicely spent just on your own. It is much easier to work hard at achieving something for which others will say well done. It is much harder accepting that because of your illness nobody will say well done for something you really wanted to achieve but could not. Nobody will praise you for coping with your illness so say it yourself each day.

“Well done for coping so well.”

Praise yourself for any little achievement of the day no matter how small. If it helps put your favourite poem on the wall or any positive quotes to remind you every time you pass that place?

Were you more positive today than yesterday? Then I would like to congratulate you. I send praise to all of you.

Learn how to exercise can help you. The problem with exercise when you are ill is that you do not feel like it because you experience too much pain, stiffness or lack of energy. But it is often exercising that helps to alleviate stiffness or muscular pain. It is important to find the right exercise for you, gentle exercise is more appropriate than anything vigorous and the rules are little and often. Be persistent; do not expect any immediate results immediately. Likewise it is important that you follow a healthy diet. You should certainly not be embarking on any drastic diets to lose weight. Some of the diets to lose weight can actually cause havoc to your health. Very often people who lose weight after dieting gain it back sooner or later. This is actually more dangerous to your health than maintaining the same weight at all times; the body has to deal with the skin constantly expanding and shrinking when people lose and gain weight too often. It is important to eat regularly. Small portions more often are healthier than big portions less frequently. It is crucial that all the food groups (carbohydrates, fats and proteins) are included in your diet.In this respect please note that diets, which only involve one of the food groups, can be very dangerous for your health. And naturally always consult your GP if you want to embark on any new diet plan.

It is important to realise that you are the person who matters most

Make yourself comfortable and do something you enjoy each day

Praise yourself for all your little achievements

Follow a healthy, well balanced diet and if possible try to do light exercise each day.

**I want to note there is something I do that often helps me sleep. This may sound silly but if I am in pain and trying to sleep I tried to find a spot on my body that does not hurt , even if it's my knee or just my ear, and concentrate on thinking of that body part. I visualize it. Give it a try, what can it hurt? (pun intended)