How to Bribe Your Cat Into a Back Massage

I was laying in bed tonight with my left shoulder hurting badly, normal for me. In fact, for so many of us with Invisible Illnesses the reality of laying awake at night in pain is not unusual, more the norm. Unfortunately. Usually it’s my hands or feet due to the neuropathy. Tonight my left hand feels weird, numb, kind of like a tight glove is on that hand. My feet hurt too so I lay on my stomach and put a pillow under my calves so my feet can point straight down instead of flat which stretches the nerves and ligaments. I also tend to sleep a lot scooted down to the foot of the bed with my feet hanging off the end, either way works well and of course, no covers on them! These are easy things I can do to make my sleep a little more comfortable. My shoulder is another problem. The pain is intense, sharp, starts at the bottom right corner and spreads all the way down to my finger tips, and to my chest. I think this is a pinched nerve, but I always forget to ask the doctor about it. That’s not entirely true. I asked my old doctor once. I had an xray but nothing showed and I dropped it. Since then I have ignored it as part of my life.

As usual I digress… So, was laying there in severe pain when my littlest cat came up wanting attention. Now I have to tell you something really weird, but true. The cat gives the best massages. Stands on my back and starts kneading. Sure you get the occasional claw, but it is so worth it. Anyway, I was laying there trying to figure out how to bribe the cat to give me a massage. Catnip comes to mind but then I picture Sox, my little 7 lb cat, or her mother (a much bigger fat cat) rolling around stoned on my back. Maybe not. Next I consider one of those feather toys on a stick. Of course I don't have one. Ha! I could make one easy, I have a garden stake, that would work. Realize this is at 4 a.m. and picture me ransacking the house for glue, cord, feathers, ribbon. Outside searching for lost feathers in the dark at 4 a.m. Oh what would the neighbors think?! So I squash this idea too. Besides, If I could actually get the cat to play with it she would be jumping up and down on my back, and that doesn't sound so good either. Can you say "tender points"? Ha last idea, treats. Why didn't I think of this before? I blame it on the time. Sox loves Science Diet treats. I wonder "have I really gotten this desperate?" The answer of course is a resounding "YES!". Now I need a plan to overcome the obstacles:

Step 1. Find the treats. Where were they last time I saw them? Darn this fibro fog!

Step 2. Occupy the dog. My dog generally insists on being wherever I am AND is jealous of Sox. Hmmmm maybe a nice juicy bone. I have some rib bones in the freezer.

Step 3. Get the cats attention. Shake the bag of treats That always works.

Just when I am ready to climb out of bed and put my plan in action. I hear it. The tv. My husband is home!

Now.... how to bribe him!

(p.s. I tried to bribe Sox with treats the next night, put the treats right on my back… no luck. Better luck next time!!)